My Rantings, Rambling, Babbling, Jabber, Blabbing, Blogging, etc.

It's been two years!

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:14:30 GMT

I'm still alive!

http://www.depressedclown.com

CAR CRASHES ARE TITE!

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 01:59:02 GMT

So, hey, everybody loves car crashes, right? We've all looked at car accidents on tv and in real life, well have you ever thought "I really wanna be in one, instead of just sitting here and looking at one?" Well, dude, that dream totally came true today. TOTALly.

Um, I'm a girl so I don't know how to use a computer!!!!1112

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 08:37:18 GMT

Hmm.

I was thinking about making a toxicgreen LiveJournal group.

I've already created a My "Fag" Space group. Join it.

Since there is already a user named toxicgreen, the group here cannot be called that.

And there is only like four more letters that can be added to toxicgreen.

So I don't know what to call it.

Suggestions?

So far this summer, I filmed 1 1/4 skits. Meaning, I filmed 1 skit and a small skit which isn't finished. The complete skit isn't really complete, though, but there's nothing we can do about that now. Some of you faggots have seen it. I'll put an edited version of it on the site soon. Edited, not meaning censored. I mean edited like the final cut, making it bareable to watch. Else, it would be an untouched mess, pretty much.

I also got pulled over by a cop in a really 'sticky' situation. Paul G.'s journal provides a pretty good description, after my comments/revisions/corrections, that is.

Also this summer, I saw Mindless Self Indulgence. A few bands opened for them. This local band Sperm Ladder, Program the Dead, and NIL8. I told the guy from Program the Dead about toxicgreen.com.

Come to think of it, I think I've told alot of people about toxicgreen.com. Tons, maybe.

I made six stickers. One is on my notebook, one is thrown away because I wore it one night whilst telling a ton of drunk people about it (pissing them off in the process), one is on Jake's steering wheel, one is on Paul G.'s steering wheel, one is on the back of Paul G.'s Ford Explorer truck, and one is on the back of Amanda E.'s car. I also wrote TOXICGREEN.COM all over her car with some car markers a couple times.

The rest of this summer will be spent filming TGTV, updating the website, editing TGTV, and going on a road trip. I'll talk about the road trip later in here, I'm sure.

If you would like to be in the show, contact me somehow. You can post a comment here, e-mail me, talk to me on AIM (toxicgreen666), post on the message board, comment on my My "Fag" Space, call me (412-5954), or talk to me in person. If you can think of another way, fuck, by all means, do it.

I found out that I can have six domains on one accout for BlueHost. For dirt cheap, too. The account was kind of expensive, though. The site and services was about $95 for one year. That's okay, though, BlueHost is great. I went into thinking I would recieve enough donations to cover most of it, but I've only received donations from two people.

The first one is www.toxicgreen.com, obviously. I can have five more.

I created a website for Chester entitled Rather Owned. It should be up shortly after you read this.

I am going to get a domain name for FOOB, possibly foobsucks.com. Keep your ears open.

I guess Ian Olvera wants ianolvera.com. That would be good to put all of his musack!!!!!!1111 It's a healthy alternative to having like three songs on Pure Volume and sites like that.

I may create a great one with Paul Garon. Details cannot be discussed here at this time.

Maybe lit"fag"pants.com, but supposedly Andy is devoting all of his time, energy, and resources to Toxic Green. That's what I always tell him to do, and he said he was doing that on his site, but I think that's just an excuse to not update his site, since he's so lazy and short.

Come to think of it, even though I hate Lit Pants and Andy is really short, a litpants.com would be kind of cool. Andy has some talent, and some comedic ability, although I can pick his comedy apart like a (insert some weird metaphor here).

If some of the above fall through, I could always create a 17pancakes.com and a bobisaprick.com.

I think FOOBsucks.com is for sure, though. We'll see. Keep your ears open, eh.

The new layout is up on www.toxicgreen.com. I am still working on the pages. Also, there is a nice intro. Chester was working on an intro, maybe we'll get that up there. Also, a trailer should be made pretty soon. If you have an idea for a skit, or a skit written out, contact me by some method talked about above, or another method. Oh, don't worry, even if you don't contact me about being in the show, I will probably contact you to make an appearance/cameo in the show.

I hope this update pleases you and lets you know of what has been going on in my life. I hope it makes up for the lack of solid updates over the past few months. Any contributins to Toxic Green would be appreciated. Posting on the message board, giving me skits or skit ideas, acting in the show, submitting any random clips you have, joining the Toxic Green My Space group, visiting the site every day, sucking me off, etc.

Look out for a new layout pretty soon. I'll be working on it like this coming week. It'll be a dropdown menu format. For instance, when you have your mouse rollovers 'Skits' at the top of the page, the five newest skits or whatever will appear as links and then 'View All Skits'. I mean a new layot for toxicgreen.com, but maybe I should get a new layout for this journal and for my MySpace. Who knows.

I would love to hear your thoughts on Toxic Green. Do you print off every skit and bathe yourself in the pages? Does it offend you so much that you want to kill a baby? Are you up to your ears in it at work, so to speak? Send me an e-mail. Or whatever you want to do is beautiful. Contact me by a method listed above, maybe.

Talk to you soon, journal. :(

Like, summer so far

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 06:51:41 GMT

OMG filming, mary jane, copzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Like comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"toxicgreen.com"
"I don't give a fuck 'n' shit, man"

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 00:35:39 GMT

sometimes i think about how much i fucking luv the government

You fellers don't where where ya could get some trucks, didjya?

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 05:22:17 GMT

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aka The State of the Union makes me nervous nervous...nervousnervousnervous

system.

So now you know why I eat salads.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 04:48:01 GMT

I really don't know what to say about Live Journal.

It's gay...but at the same time...it's somewhat useful.

Nonetheless, I never know what to say in Live Journal.

I used to write funny thoughts.

Then I posted a bunch of surveys I had filled out.

Then I posted a bunch of random images I found on Google Images.

Then I posted some more funny thoughts/stories/ideas and a few random documents found on pages while searching Google Images. Also, a few recaps here and there when something exciting happened.

Somewhere in between, I started a revolution. This revolution has now found a new home at Blog Spot. Eventually, there will be skits of it.

Now, I don't know what to post here. All my ideas have other homes now. I have started a domain name. That is where I should spend all my time updating, and will. Other ideas go on the old site or the message board.

Live Journal doesn't feel like a home anymore...more like...more like..a house. Just some fucking cottage I go to once in a while and sometimes I just dump some random shit of mine there (no pun intended).

Eventually, I could start reminiscing, 'cos I think my recaps of weekends/weeks could be somewhat exciting and stimulating, but sometimes I'm not in a state where I can recall everything the next day. Like, Friday, for instance. I don't remember Friday.

Fuck drinking coffee.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 20:52:44 GMT

Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 20:43:30 GMT

I think I'll run through the whole story since I still got a li'l Adderall in me.

The half-day. Thursday, March 10th, 2005. It was after fifth hour. Cara-gar-zar needed a ride home, and then I encountered a Filipino named Jefferson Regaza, and he as well needed a ride home.

So, we find my carry-warry-pookins i.e. the Alti my baby, and I iced/scraped/brushed her off because it had snowed on this fateful day.

I started the car with my Kanye West flowing out of the speakers. The song at the moment was "We Don't Care". Jefferson Regaza, a Filipino, was sitting shotgun, and Cara was sitting in back. Who fucking cares right well it's the Adderalllll or maybe it isn't. Just creating some sensory imagery for you.

The exit I was going to be leaving was the right turn only from three to three-fifteen one, and I was kind of near Hicksville if you know what I mean. I was at the far end of the main parking lot and I was in the second row of back-to-back cars from the exit facing the third row. I drove out of the spot and went to get into the line of cars leaving. It looked like it was safe to proceed, but as I was turning into the line of cars, another car was coming up. I figured said car would let me in, because after all, I was near the row of cars first and I had parked nearer to exit than she had, obviously.

Well, there was a problem. It was starting to appear as though she was not going to let me in. I turned into the row and got really close to the last car in the row, as well as she did. It was starting to look like this was not going to go seamlessly. We continued to pull really close to that last car whenever we got a chance to move forward.

Not once did I look at this girl. Well, maybe once. But not for long. Keep this in mind for later. Apparently, she was really pissed though, and was all like had her hands in the air to represent "what the fuck nigga?!"

Eventually, I gave up. I stopped. I was gonna let this bitch through. But, miraculously, at the exact same time, she had decided to give up, somewhat at least. Somewhat...keep this in mind for later, too. I saw her stop, and she honked her horn. So I figured she was letting me through, finally. I went ahead and pulled in front of her into the row of cars. I waited to leave the parking lot, like usual, waiting for the cars ahead to leave and move up. I was near the exit, when this bitch fucking rear ended me. Now, this was obviously on purpose since she was really pissed off and it's not like I had stopped suddenly or anything. And that wouldn't have been a good excuse either, since when you're waiting to pull out of the parking lot, you're expecting frequent stops, since one car will pull out, then the car ahead of you will move up and then stop. Ya gotta be watchin' close the car ahead of you, just like any parking lot, or street. But this wasn't the case...I didn't stop all of a sudden. I was slowly moving up. And I get fucking rear ended. It wasn't too hard, but rear ending makes a pretty loud noise just like any other kind of crash. The 'monitor' who always waves at cars did not too shit. I'd be surprised if she even took her license plate down. And of course, Mrs. Bader, as I learned she is named, just waved to us as we leave the parking lot, like always. I turned right onto Deckner, and she turned left onto Deckner. I drove the short way to Cara's. We checked out the car, and there was no damage to my baby, so that's good.

Apparently, this hoe goes to Jefferson Regaza, a Filipino, 's church. He's gonna try and find out her name.

This may sound selfish, but for some reason, I feel as if I almost did not really deserve this. I mean, fuck, why don't I go through all the reasons why I didn't deserve it (in no particular order).

I was turning into the row before she got close. She could've slowed down and let me through. This wasn't a matter of someone letting me into the line after they're already in it. We both got there at roughly/approximately/about/nearly the same time.
She could have just been a good person and let me go ahead of her. It probably cost her two or three seconds letting me go ahead of her finally, not to mention the emotional and physical damage we both and my Alti walked away with, or drove away with, to be more politically correct.
Not once did I ever look at her. I never looked at her, I never laughed at her, I never said anything to her (not that she would hear it anyway, but people still say shit in their car when they're pissed even if they're alone but what good does that do anyway I mean oh fuck now I know you're pissed 'cos you yelled at me and I can't hear it oh god [i'm being sarcastic yes]), I never yelled at her, I never flipped her off. I didn't even look in the rearview mirror at her, although I regret this now (more on this later). I was not cocky at all. I may have had a subtle grin on my face for a brief very brief period of time when I realized how childish/comical this was that we were both pulling up really close to the car in front of us to mark our territory; but that's it. I don't think I knew this person, there was no grudge or hate between us as far as I know. THIS GIRL WAS JUST A FLAT-OUT BITCH AND THERE'S NO EXPLANATION AS TO WHY.
It was a fucking half-day. Who's cranky and bitchy on a half-day for fuck's sakes?
Rear-ending me was so fucking out of line. Didn't she let me through in the end? And what the fuck does that do? She didn't hurt my baby. She must've needed to let off some steam or something because she didn't give a fuck about shit if she's rear-ending me right in front of a monitor, for no immediate reason. Was it to get back at me for going ahead of her? FUCK YOU YOU DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH SHIT BY REAR-ENDING EXCEPT I'M GONNA FUCKING GET YOUR NAME AND THEN I'M GONNA GET SOMEONE TO KICK YOUR ASS SUCH AS SOME GHETTO GIRL 'COS I DON'T HIT GIRLS AND I'M NOT STRONG.
The previous fucking day, just fucking yesterday, Nick Monthei had published an article in the Preble Buzz, entitled "Parking Etiquette" dealing specifically with this problem of people are dicks with letting people into the line of cars leaving school, and it's not going to take you much longer to get out if you let someone in, etc. Maybe I'll post the article as a comment sometime, but right now I've typed too much. But I mean come on just fucking yesterday, this rational article was clearly visible in the fucking Preble Buzz, and this bitch not only doesn't want to let me in the line, but fucking rear ends me. Un-fucking-believable.

Did this bitch just need to let off some steam, and I did a little thing that was enough to make her snap on me; or did me trying to get in the line of cars in front of her piss her off that much? Was she having a bad day, or did I make her day bad? I mean Jesus Fucking God why would you hit someone?!

I should've fucking followed this bitch, or been cocky to her, but then again, maybe not. If she was fucking serious enough to rear end me in front of a monitor, who knows what she would've done? But, seriously, I was totally being innocent in regards to the fact that I didn't do shit to her like flip her off or anything. Isn't that a law that if someone is gonna rear-end you on purpose (has that ever happened?) that you at least have to had flipped them off or cut them off or something?

I've always wondered why people won't let other cars to go into the line in front of them, when it's obvious that that person has parked closer to the exit than you. But, I guess then again the people in the line who aren't letting people from the sides in had to walk farther to their cars, so maybe they deserve to get out first. I don't know, who fucking cares, the bottom line is that there are a bunch of pricks and bitches at our school that being Preble High School.

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks, lick on deez nutz and suck a dick"

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 02:29:13 GMT

Sometimes, when it has rained that day, at night I look out the window. I think about all the dictionaries that have ever been made, and I think about all the words in certain dictionaries that have not been looked at.

AND I THINK WHAT A BIG FUCKING WASTE OF PAPER. IF THAT WORD IN THAT DICTIONARY WAS NEVER LOOKED AT, WHY DID THEY EVEN BOTHER INCLUDING IT IN THERE?

I mean it sounds to me like a big fucking hassle. Totally unnecessary. It's a waste of ink, a waste of paper. Therefore you are cutting down trees to put words in there THAT WILL NEVER FUCKING BE FUCKING LOOKED AT.

I don't know. Just seems to me like we could be putting that paper to better use, but that's just me, just my little opinion. And hey, who knows, maybe every word in that brand and edition of dictionary has been looked at, and there is ABSOLUTELY NO paper or ink being wasted. I don't know...these are just some things I think about when I gaze at the stars at night.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 23:48:27 GMT

XMAS & NEW YEAR - 2003

26TH DECEMBER - INCISION, LEEDS, ENGLAND
27TH DECEMBER - MONSTERZ, MILAN, ITALY
30TH DECEMBER - AMSTERDAM
31ST DECEMBER - FREQUENCY, STIRLING, SCOTLAND

Golly gosh, what a mental week of happiness, sadness & madness !!

Out on Christmas Eve with a bunch of mates, can't really remember much. Fell asleep with a meat sandwich in 1 hand and a glass of Jack Daniels in the other.

Christmas Day, woke up pretty jolly, got some sad news regarding a close friend in the morning, which kinda ruined the day. Christmas Day was boring, no toys to play with or nowt. I was going to go down to ma mates and play with his sons toys but couldn't motivate meself so ended up staying in and getting pissed, chatting to mates on MSN. Phoned a couple up and left messages saying I had got there number out of the local paper and was phoning to see how much the hoover was they were selling and I was going to come round and shag a horse in there garden, hehe.

And so, Boxing day came, and day one of a week of mad travelling.

I was playing at Incision in Leeds, and as there were no trains, a mate was driving up from Hull to Newcastle to pick me up and take me down. Many thanks again Curtis & Kayleigh !! I think we left Newcastle around 7pm. Popped in to Kayleigh's in Durham on the way to get a dress or something (not for me !!). Sat in the sitting room while 3 mad dogs ran around me, frok me, I was shitting mesell. Hate doggies like. Scariest 15 minutes of me life, apart from the time when Jappo drove me through the Alps waist ed in a snow storm.

Eventually got on our way properly and arrived at the club around 9pm. Found the hardcore room which I thought was a toilet. Tiny little place that holds about 20 people !! It was OK like, bar in the corner, toilet and the dex up a couple of stairs, so it was like having a little party for all your mates in a bedroom with a built in bar.

Hello to the peeps, Andy Infared, Lee Outrage, Stu Terrorist & his chick, Dippa (ha ha), McWicker, Ricky AMOK, Baz, Hardcore Chef, Ariel, Naomi, Bex, Adam Alarm, Sarah PVC (soz if I forgot anyone)

Lee 'Chips' Outrage on the left there

Edam Alarm, Lee, Infared, Kayleigh, Curtis (dunno the coat guy)

One good thing about this room, it was next to the cloakroom, so yo could stand at the bar and watch all the patch putting there garments in, hehe.

Nice belt

The Hardcore Chief - Liverpool's #1 Gay Icon. McWicker & Baz to the right of him. Notice the little donkey sniffing the big guy's bot.

Went for a little wander to the other rooms. Really nice club. 2 rooms down some scary looking stairs.

First room had a bouncy castle in it, weee, boing boing boing. Later on I bounced of it and cut ma arm.

Dippa, The Chief & Infared go bouncing
.. . .

Bianca & Ariel Munster

Bex falls asleep standing up

Kayleigh

Check this DJ name

Infared, The Chief & Ricky Am OK

The Hardcore Chief swings his gay hips

There was a mixture of music in the room. When I got there it was happy hardcore. Cant remember when Infared's PA was on (after me maybe) ??

Nick AN:OK played before me, mid paced industrial set building up to French & Deathchant style, nice. I played at 1am. Started off at around 200 BPM with dancefloor French hardcore, and played a couple of classics - 'I Wanna Fuck A Spice Girl', Brohym and a hardcore version of jingle bells called Hardcore Bells by the D-Boy Bad Boys, hehe. Enjoyed the set, then proceded to get drunk.

At some point during the night, some of the boys were licking Lee's face. I put my finger up me bum then rubbed it in Lee's face and he ran to the toilet, hehe.

MOAN PATCH

Ricky knee licker

Gilly, the incredible pointing man

Santa (or is that Satan) Smurf

Ricky & The Chief tell Santa what they want for Xmas. Ricky wants 3 toffee apples and to see Frank Butcher again. The Chief wants a new nostril.

Amy, the cloakroom lady who kept running away from me (?)

Hmmm, coathangers
.. .. ..

The incredible angelic coathanger

Hmm, a festoon of coathangers

HAHA, Dippa, Captain K-man
. .

Can't remember who this is

woo, here come's that lovely lady from before

Hmm, girls holding coathangers, the next best thing to elbows & bellybuttons

Fantastic

Cheers to Curtis & Kayleigh for the lift again!

The party finished at 4am and everyone forked off and left me !! GITS ! So I had to find Leeds train station by meself. Bumped into a guy who I was talking to earlier who ran a night called Kemistry in the same club (Paradise Club). Forget your name, sorry mate !! He kindly kept me company at the station for a while until my train left at 06:10 for London Kings Cross. Hope you enjoy the CD's.

Slept all the way to London for the 2hr 40 minute journey. Grabbed a pasty & a fanta before walking next door to St Pancras to get the train to Luton Airport.

I went to the toilet on the train, pressed the button to open it and I Chinese girls was sitting on it, haha, She got up to close the door and I saw her gash. I started laughing and went back to ma seat, ha ha.

Arrived at Luton and got the bus to the airport terminal.

Flight was at 11:35, got ma money changed and stood in the que to check-in. My record bag was to heavy so I had to pay £9 for every pound it was overweight. Total came to £36 !! I had to dash over to another desk to pay. Off course, now I had no UK pounds and the daft bint didn't take Euro's, so I had to run round to the money changer to get some English cash, bahh. Stupid Ryan Air.

All sorted, then stood in another big que thru the metal detector, then another que to get on the flight, rrrr, was sick of queuing and just wanted to sit down !!

On the bat, another little sleep before arriving in Milan Bergamo at around 14:35 Italian time. Got ma luggage. Got a message from Emmy (DJ Twilight) saying he would be late because of traffic so I went and got breakfast (bottle of Budweiser), nice & cool & refreshing !!

Emmy arrived as I got the drink, with Sasha (forget the DJ name) from Switzerland and we went to the car to meet Emmy's girlfriend Milly, and we headed into Bergamo to the venue for MONSTERZ, to set up etc.

..

The venue was like a big warehouse complex, with some nice graffiti outside.

The party was in one room call The Bunker, which was like a bunker. Down some stairs into this cold stone room, which also had some cool graffiti all around it, which could hold around 600 people.

. .

Milly & Emmy (DJ Twilight)

Met Renato, another cool Italian guy and Renata, Emmy & Sasha set up whilst I went to the toilet, which was outside.

Raaa !! I forgot about hose horrible hole in the ground things !!!

Looks like Hellfish has been here before

Back inside and the sound was almost sorted. We had a few beers form the tap, nice and cool !!

There was a massive rack of speakers brought in later and the sound was incredible !!

Some other guys arrived, Sylvester (unscatthed) and his girlfriend (forget the name !!) and it was her birthday

Milly, Birthday girl, Sylvester & Sasha

Sylvester came with some champagne & some crisps, nice !!

Upstairs from the venue was another room

A nice chair in a small room I found amusing

A few hours and pints & champagne had passed and I started to fell a little sleepy, so I fell asleep on a chair for an hour or so, nice power nap, and was awoke by someone holding a shot of some mad green liquor in front of me. Well, I could not refuse

It tasted like absinthe, a bit sharp, but walmed my cockels.

More guys arrived, DJ HCN & some others (forget names again !!). I went to get changed fresh kegs, socks, trousers & T-shirt and we had a quick game of table football, England v Italy (I got beat about 15-0, heh)

We all headed off now to a restaurant for pizza before the party started and at last, I found a proper toilet !!!

Ahh, heaven !!

So time for a poo.

Check out the incredible peddling sink.

DJ Koney (DJ Promo's long lost twin) arrived who had got lost on the way from Venice and we ordered wine & beer, nice.

A friend Lawnmower back in Scotland was on about some Buffalo Mozzarella. I thought she was joking so asked the guys if it was true. They said it was so I ordered a Buffalini pizza. When it arrived I asked where the buffalo meat was. Bahh, apparently this mozzarella is made from the milk of buffalo, no meat, hehe. Still, it tasted well nice and the pizza's in Italy are so much better then over here. Lovely I tell thee. I started feeling a little tipsy and said I didn't want anymore drink, but people kept giving me glasses of wine to down in one, bahh, nasty people !!

After the meal, Koney, who had suddenly turned into Popeye, ordered me a local drink, cant remember the name, It was a shot of vodka, ice cream & lemon, zing, was gorgeous !!

All the guys form the party
(Left to right clockwise - ??, Renato, Koney, Milly, HCN, ??, ??, ??, Sylvester, ??, ??, ??, Emmy)

All food and drink gone, we all leave for the party and I get into the car with Koney, who is pretty waisted and also driving. He stalls the car 3 times !! Another scary experience within 2 days. We eventually arrive at the party in 1 piece!

Around this time I receive a nice phone call from back home reversing the sadness on Xmas Day which sends me on such a good buzz, woo !

The party starts around 11pm and it is slow to fill up. Jappo the big ape arrives and we proceed to get very drunk on the free beer and do some silly dances. At some point I fall asleep on a bench at the back of the stage and wake up around 1:30am. Didn't have a clue where I was and thought I had missed my set (which was at 02:10am). Realised I hadn't and went upstairs to get 4 big jugs of water to try & sober up. Downed them and felt better and ready for my set. By this time the place was totally heaving (500 or so)!!

Smurf (Are you from Peru?)

Emmy & Smurfy

I took over from Jappo who was now playing some fast Industrial Strength classics, Delta 9 etc and I kicked of with that 'God Wont Fuckin Save her' track from Surgeon 16 #1 by UK Skull Fuck that samples 'God Save The Queen', hehe. For the next hour I played industrial speedcore, 220-280 BPM ish. Its great to play so hard at somewhere like this and have a full dancefloor going crazy to your music.

. .

03:10 came and it was time to pass over to Twilight who was playing live. He kicked of with an amazing track with a funny tune in it I think. Excellent big man ! !

The incredible drunken Smurf & Filo (Unscatthed)

I was supposed to be going to stay at Jappo's house now as he lived closer to the airport, but he could not be found (Ponto Figa!), so I went back to sleep at the back of the stage and was woken up at around 06:45 by Emmy saying the party was over !

. . .

Said my goodbye's & best wishes to everyone and Emmy drove us to his house. Phoned some mates in Scotland and crashed out.

At around 11:30am I was woken by a voice saying "Hello hello" and this old man came into the room I was sleeping in. Didn't know who he was so I said "Emmy is downstairs". The man said "no no, airport", ahh, he must be a taxi driver I thought. Cool. Then he gets into Emmy's car and I get confused ! Emmy sends me a text message saying "don't make papa Emmy crazy" haha, then it sinks in that it his Dad driving.

Check in, more horrible long que's with ignorant people pushing in, whelks.

Flight left at 15:25 from Milan Linate to London Stanstead. Just before we land in Stanstead, the flight takes a sharp right hand turn and this old Italian wifey sitting next to me grabs hold of me arm and started shrieking in Italian ! Madness

Arrive in Stanstead around 16:30.

Grabbed ma bags and went for a quick drink & bag of crisps in Whitherspoons Downed 2 bottle's of orange Reef, very refreshing and felt a bit tipsy.

More que's to get on the bat and left at 18:30 for NEWCASTLE. WHEY AYE MAN !!! Arriving at 19:40 where Papa Smurf is there to pick me up and take me home. Ahh. nice.

Crashed out, nice sleep, un packed and packed again for the following days trip to Amsterdam !

I was supposed to be playing at Multigroove on NYE in Amsterdam so some of ma mates form Scotland got there flight tickets a while ago while they were cheap. The promoter's were humming & harring, not giving me a definite answer if I was playing, so I got my tickets when the girls did. When the opportunity came to play in Scotland at NYE and bring in the bells, I couldn't miss out on that so changed my Amsterdam flights so I could go over with the girls and then leave on 31st back to Scotland.

So, headed off to Edinburgh on the train in the afternoon. No one was in at the Boons, so left me record bag and Sean & Wee Jo's in Edinburgh centre, went out for a Xmas drink with Jo & Gareth before getting an early night as I had to be up at 5am in the morning. Sacre bleu ! !

5:15 am and Me, Lawnmower, Dani & Amy are off to Edinburgh airport.

Check in etc and go to the bar where I try to get them to all have a customery going away drink of diesel (snakebite & black current). I end up the only one drinking, while Dani has a vodka & coke, Amy has a gin & tonic and mower has a nice cup of tea, hehe.

Flight departs at 07:00 and we arrive in Amsterdam around 09:30, where we get the train into the city centre.

Lawnmower & Amy

Dani (check out her reflection !)

Lawnmower puts a leash on Amy so she doesn't go missing !!

We go to check in to our hotel, which is called Schagen. Check in is at a wee pub called The old Nikel which is run by a Scottish lady. When we get there I ask "What time is check in for Shagging" to which the lady and the bar laughs ! he he. Turns out our rooms are around the corner in a place called The Old Quarter. We trot round there and check in to our room. Basic room, 3 single beds, 1 double & a toilet with a shower.

We decided to have an hour or so power nap before hitting the shops !

The girls are still going to the Multigroove party and are all wearing TuTu's. As its my New Years resolution to stop dressing up in woman's clothes, I had to have one last try and had a shot of one of there TuTu's.

.

We head off and I show the chicks around Amsterdam and a few shops. I buy some colourfull toe socks for friends back home and a bright hat, whilst the girls browse shoe shops and places, zzzzzz, heh !!

head off to a cafe drinks, food etc before we meet up with Kit Williams (the promotor of MultiGroove) back at The Old Quarter where we have some food

Kit Williams (right) and his mate)

Willy has to head off to do some work and we all have another power nap, before hitting the town again and meeting up with Armaged:DON (GGM), his girlfriend Anna, and our mate Dave, also from Newcastle who lives in Dan Hague.

Lawnmower and her new buddy

Have a good laugh in various drinking establishments before Don & co have to leave and Me & the girls go back to the hotel around 1:30am.

Chief Smurf

The girls get ready for bed for the night and Me & mower decide to have a 30 minute power nap and go back out again.

I lie in bed and take photo's of the girls in there PJ's, hehe

GGM Lawnmower
. .

Pyjama Donkey

PJ & Dani

We wake up about 11am !!

I have to leave soon for my flight back to Edinburgh, so get my stuff together and go downstairs to meet Jappo & Lenny Dee (who are playing at the party) for breakfast/lunch. Jappo is trying always to convince me to stay. Lenny tries also but he knows what its like to play at 12 midnight on NYE and understands how important it is to me not to miss it !! The girls arrive and try to make me stay. Bahhh, but, I have to go !!

Jappo, Dani, Amy Donkey, Mower & Lenny Dee

Emotional farewell follows and I head to the train station. Confusion sets in and it takes a while to work out which train is whish. Terrible station that like.

On the train back to the airport, this guy gets on and says to me "You know what I'm about to ask you", I dip in ma pocket and give him a bunch of change and he gives me a postcard of a cow having a piss.

Just outside of Amsterdam there is a train depot especially for Scottish charvaz....

15:00 flight back to Edinburgh so I've got some time to pick up some duty free. A nice box of cocktails and some 'Orange bitter'. Arrive 15:25 in Edinburgh and I jumps in a taxi to Sean & Jo's. Quick hello's, shower & shave, cocktail and swig of the orange bitter which is actually tastes like Irn Bru & vodka.

Tonight, its Frequency in Stirling, Scotland, and the coach for the party is leaving rom the other side of Edinburgh, so Me, Sean, Jo, Stef & Debbie get a taxi to Lorraine's house, where they are already having a party.

Pedro, Debbie, Gareth, Hardcore Uncle Sean & Gareth's wee sister Rachel at the front.
.

I ask Rachel if she got any dolly's for Xmas and if I can play dressy up with them, hehe.

Rachel & Wee Sister Jo

Gareth's wee brother William (who said I was small) & Smurf

Kenny Boy, Stef & Sean
.

Few drinks and we get a bus to the coach were UEP, Stereo Mike & Staples all from Newcastle are there, nice.

Not many people have turned up for the coach and it was looking at around £38 each ! No one could afford that so Santa Smurf chips in a £100 and gets it down to £25 or something.

Playboy Bunnies

Anyway's, happy days and we head of to Stirling, about an hour away and arrive at the venue, The Sword Hotel, in the snow.

Nice venue, You go into like a hotel reception and there were 2 rooms either side, one was the house room, the other the hardcore room. Both like large rooms you would have a wedding disco type thing in. nice. Upstairs is the oldksool room, all rooms similar size.

The hardcore room had no needles for the dex, so there was a mad panic, which got sorted pretty quickly. The decks were those fancy Vestax things which I'd never used, so was a wee bit nervous at playing.

Walked around, met the Blackpool Crew, Adam etc, Crossbones peeps, John & Kieren, Scottish mob, Sass, Veggie, Spaztech & 100's of others.

I had a wander up to the oldskool room where Dale Johnson was playing a banging techno set, hehe, XXX was MC'ing and I had a little shot, just making seal noises.

Hardcore Ray & ??

Kenny

Nice too see the Newcastle mob making a good effort to make it up in the snow, Wayne, Marc & crew

Marc

Hardcore Ray feeling it !!

Wee Jo's (ma adopted sister) Button

Roabs is feeling it !!

Spent a bit in the oldskool room dancing to Ultrasonic and the usual Scottish cheese you here at Scottish Oldskool nights.

11:30 came and it was time to play. I played a 30 minute set of gabba classics, 'Jack The Penis', 'Name Of DJ', 'Acid Rain' etc. I had planned on doing a wee speech but there microphone wouldn't work, so I stopped the music and shouted out "I've played all over the world in the past couple of years and there is one place that has the best crowd in the world, and that's Scotland, and this next track is dedicating to all the Scottish mob" and dropped 'Loving You' by Rotterdam Remix Project. 11:55 and I stopped that and played the new heavy metal remix of Rob Gee's 'Ecstasy - You Got What I Need' and everyone had a good sing along before the countdown to the bells. "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR ", I played a bagpipe version of Auld Lang Syne and dropped CUNTFACE by Nasenbluten ! haha, Whole place went fuckin crazy !!! RESPECT to you all !! What a buzz I got. Then played 1 30 minute speedcore classic set, NYX Speedcore, 20 Seconds to Comply, Shaftman etc before Al Spaztech took over with his live PA.

Now, the rest of the night and day is a complete blank. Next thing I clearly remember it was 1pm on the 2nd, ha ha.

The coach apparently dropped us of at Boony's where mucho alcohol was consumed.

Gareth joins the bruise boys

Poor Staples passed out and had his hair shaved off and didn't notice till he got back to his mates flat in Musslebrough the next day.

Someone put chocolate down his trousers and he thought he had shit himself

Boon and Cats wabs

All the breast for 2004 Smurf

Lasterplaster Smurf ???

The Ultimate Bruise

Back to normality now.

Well, that was one of the craziest weeks of ma life all thanks to the following people...

Curtis & Kayliegh, Sarah PVC, Emmy & Milly, Renato, Koney, Jappo, Papa Emmy, Papa Smurf, Sean & Wee Jo, Lawnmower, Dani & Amy, Don, Lenny Dee, Boony, Emma & Big Stef, Sass, Technotrance, Robbie Murdoch.

And to everyone else I came in contact with over that week, many thanks and all the very very breast for 2004.

SMURF

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 23:15:55 GMT

Fibonacci Numbers and Nature
This page has been split into TWO PARTS.
This, the first, looks at the Fibonacci numbers and why they appear in various "family trees" and patterns of spirals of leaves and seeds.

The second page then examines why the golden section is used by nature in some detail, including animations of growing plants.

Contents of this Page
The icon means there is a Things to do investigation at the end of the section.

Rabbits, Cows and Bees Family Trees
Fibonacci's Rabbits..
Dudeney's Cows
Honeybees and Family Trees
Fibonacci Numbers and the Golden Number
Fibonacci Rectangles and Shell Spirals
Fibonacci numbers, the Golden Section and plants
Petals on flowers
Seed heads
Pine cones
Leaf arrangements
Leaves per turn
Leaf arrangements of some common plants
Vegetables and Fruit
Fibonacci Fingers?
A quote from Coxeter on Phyllotaxis
Navigating through this site
References and Links

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Rabbits, Cows and Bees Family Trees
Let's look first at the Rabbit Puzzle that Fibonacci wrote about and then at two adaptations of it to make it more realistic. This introduces you to the Fibonacci Number series and the simple definition of the whole never-ending series.
Fibonacci's Rabbits
The original problem that Fibonacci investigated (in the year 1202) was about how fast rabbits could breed in ideal circumstances.

Suppose a newly-born pair of rabbits, one male, one female, are put in a field. Rabbits are able to mate at the age of one month so that at the end of its second month a female can produce another pair of rabbits. Suppose that our rabbits never die and that the female always produces one new pair (one male, one female) every month from the second month on. The puzzle that Fibonacci posed was...

How many pairs will there be in one year?

At the end of the first month, they mate, but there is still one only 1 pair.
At the end of the second month the female produces a new pair, so now there are 2 pairs of rabbits in the field.
At the end of the third month, the original female produces a second pair, making 3 pairs in all in the field.
At the end of the fourth month, the original female has produced yet another new pair, the female born two months ago produces her first pair also, making 5 pairs.

The number of pairs of rabbits in the field at the start of each month is 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, ...

Can you see how the series is formed and how it continues? If not, look at the answer!

The first 300 Fibonacci numbers are here and some questions for you to answer.

Now can you see why this is the answer to our Rabbits problem? If not, here's why.
Another view of the Rabbit's Family Tree:

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

The Rabbits problem is not very realistic, is it?
It seems to imply that brother and sisters mate, which, genetically, leads to problems. We can get round this by saying that the female of each pair mates with any male and produces another pair.
Another problem which again is not true to life, is that each birth is of exactly two rabbits, one male and one female.

Dudeney's Cows
The English puzzlist, Henry E Dudeney (1857 - 1930, pronounced Dude-knee) wrote several excellent books of puzzles (see after this section). In one of them he adapts Fibonacci's Rabbits to cows, making the problem more realistic in the way we observed above. He gets round the problems by noticing that really, it is only the females that are interesting - er - I mean the number of females!
He changes months into years and rabbits into bulls (male) and cows (females) in problem 175 in his book 536 puzzles and Curious Problems (1967, Souvenir press):

If a cow produces its first she-calf at age two years and after that produces another single she-calf every year, how many she-calves are there after 12 years, assuming none die?
This is a better simplification of the problem and quite realistic now.
But Fibonacci does what mathematicians often do at first, simplify the problem and see what happens - and the series bearing his name does have lots of other interesting and practical applications as we see later.
So let's look at another real-life situation that is exactly modelled by Fibonacci's series - honeybees.

Puzzle books by Henry E Dudeney
Amusements in Mathematics, Dover Press, 1958, 250 pages.
Still in print thanks to Dover in a very sturdy paperback format at an incredibly inexpensive price. This is a wonderful collection that I find I often dip into. There are arithmetic puzzles, geometric puzzles, chessboard [uzzles, an excellent chapter on all kinds of mazes and solving them, magic squares, river crossing puzzles, and more, all with full soutions and often extra notes! Highly recommended!
536 Puzzles and Curious Problems is now out of print, but you may be able to pick up a second hand version by clicking on this link. It is another collection like Amusements in Mathematics (above) but containing different puzzles arranged in sections: Arithmetical and Algebraic puzzles, Geometrical puzzles, Combinatorial and Topological puzzles, Game puzzles, Domino puzzles, match puzzles and "unclassified" puzzles. Full solutions and index. A real treasure.

The Canterbury Puzzles, Dover 2002, 256 pages. More puzzles (not in the previous books) the first section with some characters from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and other sections on the Monks of Riddlewell, the squire's Christmas party, the Professors puzzles and so on and all with full solutions of course!

Honeybees and Family trees
There are over 30,000 species of bees and in most of them the bees live solitary lives. The one most of us know best is the honeybee and it, unusually, lives in a colony called a hive and they have an unusual Family Tree. In fact, there are many unusual features of honeybees and in this section we will show how the Fibonacci numbers count a honeybee's ancestors (in this section a "bee" will mean a "honeybee").
First, some unusual facts about honeybees such as: not all of them have two parents!
In a colony of honeybees there is one special female called the queen.
There are many worker bees who are female too but unlike the queen bee, they produce no eggs.
There are some drone bees who are male and do no work.
Males are produced by the queen's unfertilized eggs, so male bees only have a mother but no father!
All the females are produced when the queen has mated with a male and so have two parents. Females usually end up as worker bees but some are fed with a special substance called royal jelly which makes them grow into queens ready to go off to start a new colony when the bees form a swarm and leave their home (a hive) in search of a place to build a new nest.

So female bees have 2 parents, a male and a female whereas male bees have just one parent, a female.

Here we follow the convention of Family Trees that parents appear above their children, so the latest generations are at the bottom and the higher up we go, the older people are. Such trees show all the ancestors (predecessors, forebears, antecedents) of the person at the bottom of the diagram. We would get quite a different tree if we listed all the descendants (progeny, offspring) of a person as we did in the rabbit problem, where we showed all the descendants of the original pair.

Let's look at the family tree of a male drone bee.

He had 1 parent, a female.
He has 2 grand-parents, since his mother had two parents, a male and a female.
He has 3 great-grand-parents: his grand-mother had two parents but his grand-father had only one.
How many great-great-grand parents did he have?
Again we see the Fibonacci numbers :

great- great,great gt,gt,gt
grand- grand- grand grand
Number of parents: parents: parents: parents: parents:
of a MALE bee: 1 2 3 5 8
of a FEMALE bee: 2 3 5 8 13

The Fibonacci Sequence as it appears in Nature by S.L.Basin in Fibonacci Quarterly, vol 1 (1963), pages 53 - 57.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Things to do
Make a diagram of your own family tree. Ask your parents and grandparents and older relatives as each will be able to tell you about particular parts of your family tree that other's didn't know. It can be quite fun trying to see how far back you can go. If you have them put old photographs of relatives on a big chart of your Tree (or use photocopies of the photographs if your relatives want to keep the originals). If you like, include the year and place of birth and death and also the dates of any marriages.
A brother or sister is the name for someone who has the same two parents as yourself. What is a half-brother and half-sister?
Describe a cousin but use simpler words such as brother, sister, parent, child?
Do the same for nephew and niece. What is a second cousin? What do we mean by a brother-in-law, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, etc? Grand- and great- refer to relatives or your parents. Thus a grand-father is a father of a parent of yours and great-aunt or grand-aunt is the name given to an aunt of your parent's.
Make a diagram of Family Tree Names so that "Me" is at the bottom and "Mum" and "Dad" are above you. Mark in "brother", "sister", "uncle", "nephew" and as many other names of (kinds of) relatives that you know. It doesn't matter if you have no brothers or sisters or nephews as the diagram is meant to show the relationships and their names.
[If you have a friend who speaks a foreign language, ask them what words they use for these relationships.]

What is the name for the wife of a parent's brother?
Do you use a different name for the sister of your parent's?
In law these two are sometimes distinguished because one is a blood relative of yours and the other is not, just a relative through marriage.
Which do you think is the blood relative and which the relation because of marriage?
How many parents does everyone have?
So how many grand-parents will you have to make spaces for in your Family tree?
Each of them also had two parents so how many great-grand-parents of yours will there be in your Tree?
..and how many great-great-grandparents?
What is the pattern in this series of numbers?
If you go back one generation to your parents, and two to your grand-parents, how many entries will there be 5 generations ago in your Tree? and how many 10 generations ago?
The Family Tree of humans involves a different sequence to the Fibonacci Numbers. What is this sequence called?

Looking at your answers to the previous question, your friend Dee Duckshun says to you:
You have 2 parents.
They each have two parents, so that's 4 grand-parents you've got.
They also had two parents each making 8 great-grand-parents in total ...
... and 16 great-great-grand-parents ...
... and so on.
So the farther back you go in your Family Tree the more people there are.
It is the same for the Family Tree of everyone alive in the world today.
It shows that the farther back in time we go, the more people there must have been.
So it is a logical deduction that the population of the world must be getting smaller and smaller as time goes on!
Is there an error in Dee's argument? If so, what is it? Ask your maths teacher or a parent if you are not sure of the answer!
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Fibonacci numbers and the Golden Number
If we take the ratio of two successive numbers in Fibonacci's series, (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ..) and we divide each by the number before it, we will find the following series of numbers:

1/1 = 1, 2/1 = 2, 3/2 = 1·5, 5/3 = 1·666..., 8/5 = 1·6, 13/8 = 1·625, 21/13 = 1·61538...
It is easier to see what is happening if we plot the ratios on a graph:

The ratio seems to be settling down to a particular value, which we call the golden ratio or the golden number. It has a value of approximately 1·618034 , although we shall find an even more accurate value on a later page [this link opens a new window] .

Things to do
What happens if we take the ratios the other way round i.e. we divide each number by the one following it: 1/1, 1/2, 2/3, 3/5, 5/8, 8/13, ..?
Use your calculator and perhaps plot a graph of these ratios and see if anything similar is happening compared with the graph above.
You'll have spotted a fundamental property of this ratio when you find the limiting value of the new series!

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

The golden ratio 1·618034 is also called the golden section or the golden mean or just the golden number. It is often represented by a greek letter Phi . The closely related value which we write as phi with a small "p" is just the decimal part of Phi, namely 0·618034.

Fibonacci Rectangles and Shell Spirals
We can make another picture showing the Fibonacci numbers 1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,.. if we start with two small squares of size 1 next to each other. On top of both of these draw a square of size 2 (=1+1).

We can now draw a new square - touching both a unit square and the latest square of side 2 - so having sides 3 units long; and then another touching both the 2-square and the 3-square (which has sides of 5 units). We can continue adding squares around the picture, each new square having a side which is as long as the sum of the latest two square's sides. This set of rectangles whose sides are two successive Fibonacci numbers in length and which are composed of squares with sides which are Fibonacci numbers, we will call the Fibonacci Rectangles.

Here is a spiral drawn in the squares, a quarter of a circle in each square. The spiral is not a true mathematical spiral (since it is made up of fragments which are parts of circles and does not go on getting smaller and smaller) but it is a good approximation to a kind of spiral that does appear often in nature. Such spirals are seen in the shape of shells of snails and sea shells and, as we see later, in the arrangment of seeds on flowering plants too. The spiral-in-the-squares makes a line from the centre of the spiral increase by a factor of the golden number in each square. So points on the spiral are 1.618 times as far from the centre after a quarter-turn. In a whole turn the points on a radius out from the center are 1.6184 = 6.854 times further out than when the curve last crossed the same radial line.
Here is a cross-section of a Nautilus sea shell. It shows the spiral curve of the shell and the internal chambers that the animal using it adds on as it grows. The chambers provide boyancy in the water. Click on the picture to enlarge it in a new window. Draw a line from the center out in any direction and find two places where the shell crosses it so that the shell spiral has gone round just once between them. The outer crossing point will be 1.618 times as far from the centre showing that the shell has grown by a factor of the golden ratio in one turn.
Nautilus
Buy This Art Print At AllPosters.com
Here are some more images for you to measure. They are all of poster available from AllPosters.com if you wanted one for your study wall or classroom or to go with a science project. Click on the pictures to enlarge them in a new window.
Sliced Nautilus Shell
Buy This Art Print At AllPosters.com
Nautilus Shell
Buy This Art Print At AllPosters.com
Nautilus
Buy This Art Print At AllPosters.com

The curve of this shell is called Equiangular or Logarithmic spirals and are common in nature, though the 'growth factor' may not always be the golden ratio.

Reference
The Curves of Life Theodore A Cook, Dover books, 1979, ISBN 0 486 23701 X.
A Dover reprint of a classic 1914 book.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Fibonacci Numbers, the Golden Section and Plants

One plant in particular shows the Fibonacci numbers in the number of "growing points" that it has. Suppose that when a plant puts out a new shoot, that shoot has to grow two months before it is strong enough to support branching. If it branches every month after that at the growing point, we get the picture shown here.

A plant that grows very much like this is the "sneezewort": Achillea ptarmica.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Petals on flowers
On many plants, the number of petals is a Fibonacci number:
buttercups have 5 petals; lilies and iris have 3 petals; some delphiniums have 8; corn marigolds have 13 petals; some asters have 21 whereas daisies can be found with 34, 55 or even 89 petals.
The links here are to various flower and plant catalogues:

the Dutch Flowerweb's searchable index called Flowerbase.
The US Department of Agriculture's Plants Database containing over 1000 images, plant information and searchable database.

Fuchsia
Pinks
Lily
Daisies
available as a
poster at AllPosters.com
3 petals: lily, iris
Often lilies have 6 petals formed from two sets of 3 as shown above:
4 petals Very few plants show 4 petals (or sepals) but some, such as the fuchsia above, do. 4 is not a Fibonacci number! We return to this point near the bottom of this page.
5 petals: buttercup, wild rose, larkspur, columbine (aquilegia), pinks (shown above)
The humble buttercup has been bred into a multi-petalled form.
8 petals: delphiniums
13 petals: ragwort, corn marigold, cineraria, some daisies
21 petals: aster, black-eyed susan, chicory
34 petals: plantain, pyrethrum
55, 89 petals: michaelmas daisies, the asteraceae family.
Some species are very precise about the number of petals they have - eg buttercups, but others have petals that are very near those above, with the average being a Fibonacci number.
Here is a passion flower (passiflora incarnata) from the back and front:
Back view:
the 3 sepals that protected the bud are outermost,
then 5 outer green petals followed by an inner layer of 5 more paler green petals Front view:
the two sets of 5 green petals are outermost,
with an array of purple-and-white stamens (how many?);
in the centre are 5 greenish stamens (T-shaped) and
uppermost in the centre are 3 deep brown carpels and style branches)

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Seed heads
This poppy seed head has 13 ridges on top.

Fibonacci numbers can also be seen in the arrangement of seeds on flower heads. The picture here is Tim Stone's beautiful photograph of a Coneflower, used here by kind permission of Tim. The part of the flower in the picture is about 2 cm across. It is a member of the daisy family with the scientific name Echinacea purpura and native to the Illinois prairie where he lives.

You can have a look at some more of Tim's wonderful photographs on the web.

You can see that the orange "petals" seem to form spirals curving both to the left and to the right. At the edge of the picture, if you count those spiralling to the right as you go outwards, there are 55 spirals. A little further towards the centre and you can count 34 spirals. How many spirals go the other way at these places? You will see that the pair of numbers (counting spirals in curing left and curving right) are neighbours in the Fibonacci series. Click on the picture on the right to see it in more detail in a separate window.

On the left is a real sunflower with 89 and 55 spirals at the edge.

Sunflower
Buy This Art Print At
AllPosters.com Here are some more wonderful pictures from All Posters (which you can buy for your classroom or wall at home). Click on each to enlarge it in a new window. Sunflower
Buy This Poster At
AllPosters.com

The same happens in many seed and flower heads in nature. The reason seems to be that this arrangement forms an optimal packing of the seeds so that, no matter how large the seed head, they are uniformly packed at any stage, all the seeds being the same size, no crowding in the centre and not too sparse at the edges.

The spirals are patterns that the eye sees, "curvier" spirals appearing near the centre, flatter spirals (and more of them) appearing the farther out we go.
So the number of spirals we see, in either direction, is different for larger flower heads than for small. On a large flower head, we see more spirals further out than we do near the centre. The numbers of spirals in each direction are (almost always) neighbouring Fibonacci numbers! Click on these links for some more diagrams of 500, 1000 and 5000 seeds.

Click on the image on the right for a Quicktime animation of 120 seeds appearing from a single central growing point. Each new seed is just phi (0·618) of a turn from the last one (or, equivalently, there are Phi (1·618) seeds per turn). The animation shows that, no matter how big the seed head gets, the seeds are always equally spaced. At all stages the Fibonacci Spirals can be seen.

The same pattern shown by these dots (seeds) is followed if the dots then develop into leaves or branches or petals. Each dot only moves out directly from the central stem in a straight line.

This process models what happens in nature when the "growing tip" produces seeds in a spiral fashion. The only active area is the growing tip - the seeds only get bigger once they have appeared.

[This animation was produced by Maple. If there are N seeds in one frame, then the newest seed appears nearest the central dot, at 0·618 of a turn from the angle at which the last appeared. A seed which is i frames "old" still keeps its original angle from the exact centre but will have moved out to a distance which is the square-root of i.]

Phyllotaxis : A Systemic Study in Plant Morphogenesis (Cambridge Studies in Mathematical Biology) by Roger V. Jean (400 pages, Cambridge University Press, 1994) has a good illustration on its cover - click on the book's title link or this little picture of the cover and on the page that opens, click on picture of the front cover to see it. It clearly shows that the spirals the eye sees are different near the centre on a real sunflower seed head, with all the seeds the same size.
Note that you will not always find the Fibonacci numbers in the number of petals or spirals on seed heads etc., although they often come close to the Fibonacci numbers.

Things to do
Why not grow your own sunflower from seed?
I was surprised how easy they are to grow when the one pictured above just appeared in a bowl of bulbs on my patio at home in the North of England. Perhaps it got there from a bird-seed mix I put out last year? Bird-seed mix often has sunflower seeds in it, so you can pick a few out and put them in a pot. Sow them between April and June and keep them warm.
Alternatively, there are now a dazzling array of colours and shapes of sunflowers to try. A good source for your seed is: Nicky's Seeds who supplies the whole range of flower and vegetable seed including sunflower seed in the UK.
Have a look at the online catalogue at Nicky's Seeds where there are lots of pictures of each of the flowers.
Which plants show Fibonacci spirals on their flowers?
Can you find an example of flowers with 5, 8, 13 or 21 petals?
Are there flowers shown with other numbers of petals which are not Fibonacci numbers?
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Pine cones

Pine cones show the Fibonacci Spirals clearly. Here is a picture of an ordinary pinecone seen from its base where the stalk connects it to the tree.

Can you see the two sets of spirals?
How many are there in each set?

Use these buttons to check your answer (the lines are drawn connecting the centres of each segment of the pinecone):

Here is another pine cone. It is not only smaller, but has a different spiral arrangement.
Use the buttons to help count the number of spirals in each direction] on this pinecone.
Show only the pinecone
Show the segment edges
Show the outline only
Show one set of spiral
Show the other set of spirals

Things to do
Collect some pine cones for yourself and count the spirals in both directions.
A tip: Soak the cones in water so that they close up to make counting the spirals easier. Are all the cones identical in that the steep spiral (the one with most spiral arms) goes in the same direction?
What about a pineapple? Can you spot the same spiral pattern? How many spirals are there in each direction?
Links and References
Ohio State University Professor Susan Goldstine
has a page with really good pinecone pictures showing the actual order of the open "petals" of the cone numbered down the cone.

Fibonacci Statistics in Conifers A Brousseau , The Fibonacci Quarterly vol 7 (1969) pages 525 - 532
You will occasionally find pine cones that do not have a Fibonacci number of spirals in one or both directions. Sometimes this is due to deformities produced by disease or pests but soetimes the cones look normal too. This article reports on a study of this question and others in a large collection of Californian pine cones of different kinds. The author also found that there were as many with the steep spiral (the one with more arms) going to the left as to the right.
Pineapples and Fibonacci Numbers P B Onderdonk The Fibonacci Quarterly vol 8 (1970), pages 507, 508.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Leaf arrangements
Also, many plants show the Fibonacci numbers in the arrangements of the leaves around their stems. If we look down on a plant, the leaves are often arranged so that leaves above do not hide leaves below. This means that each gets a good share of the sunlight and catches the most rain to channel down to the roots as it runs down the leaf to the stem.
Here's a computer-generated image, based on an African violet type of plant, whereas this has lots of leaves.

Leaves per turn
The Fibonacci numbers occur when counting both the number of times we go around the stem, going from leaf to leaf, as well as counting the leaves we meet until we encounter a leaf directly above the starting one.

If we count in the other direction, we get a different number of turns for the same number of leaves.

The number of turns in each direction and the number of leaves met are three consecutive Fibonacci numbers!

For example, in the top plant in the picture above, we have 3 clockwise rotations before we meet a leaf directly above the first, passing 5 leaves on the way. If we go anti-clockwise, we need only 2 turns. Notice that 2, 3 and 5 are consecutive Fibonacci numbers.
For the lower plant in the picture, we have 5 clockwise rotations passing 8 leaves, or just 3 rotations in the anti-clockwise direction. This time 3, 5 and 8 are consecutive numbers in the Fibonacci sequence.
We can write this as, for the top plant, 3/5 clockwise rotations per leaf ( or 2/5 for the anticlockwise direction). For the second plant it is 5/8 of a turn per leaf (or 3/8).

The sunflower here when viewed from the top shows the same pattern. It is the same plant whose side view is above. Starting at the leaf marked "X", we find the next lower leaf turning clockwise. Numbering the leaves produces the patterns shown.

You will see that the third leaf and fifth leaves are next nearest below our starting leaf but the next nearest below it is the 8th then the 13th. How many turns did it take to reach each leaf?
Leaf
number turns
clockwise
3 1
5 2
8 3
The pattern continues with Fibonacci numbers in each column!

Leaf arrangements of some common plants
One estimate is that 90 percent of all plants exhibit this pattern of leaves involving the Fibonacci numbers.

Some common trees with their Fibonacci leaf arrangement numbers are:

1/2 elm, linden, lime, grasses
1/3 beech, hazel, grasses, blackberry
2/5 oak, cherry, apple, holly, plum, common groundsel
3/8 poplar, rose, pear, willow
5/13 pussy willow, almond

where t/n means each leaf is t/n of a turn after the last leaf or that there is there are t turns for n leaves.

Cactus's spines often show the same spirals as we have already seen on pine cones, petals and leaf arrangements, but they are much more clearly visible. Charles Dills has noted that the Fibonacci numbers occur in Bromeliads and his Home page has links to lots of pictures.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Vegetables and Fruit

Here is a picture of an ordinary cauliflower. Note how it is almost a pentagon in outline. Looking carefully, you can see a centre point, where the florets are smallest. Look again, and you will see the florets are organized in spirals around this centre in both directions.

How many spirals are there in each direction?

These buttons will show the spirals more clearly for you to count (lines are drawn between the florets):

Romanesque Brocolli/Cauliflower (or Romanesco) looks and tastes like a cross between brocolli and cauliflower. Each floret is peaked and is am identical but smaller version of the whole thing and this makes the spirals easy to see.

How many spirals are there in each direction?

These buttons will show the spirals more clearly for you to count (lines are drawn between the florets):

Here are some investigations to discover the Fibonacci numbers for yourself in vegetables and fruit.
Things to do
Take a look at a cauliflower next time you're preparing one:
First look at it:
Count the number of florets in the spirals on your cauliflower. The number in one direction and in the other will be Fibonacci numbers, as we've seen here. Do you get the same numbers as in the picture?
Take a closer look at a single floret (break one off near the base of your cauliflower). It is a mini cauliflower with its own little florets all arranged in spirals around a centre.
If you can, count the spirals in both directions. How many are there?
Then, when cutting off the florets, try this:
start at the bottom and take off the largest floret, cutting it off parallel to the main "stem".
Find the next on up the stem. It'll be about 0·618 of a turn round (in one direction). Cut it off in the same way.
Repeat, as far as you like and..
Now look at the stem. Where the florets are rather like a pinecone or pineapple. The florets were arranged in spirals up the stem. Counting them again shows the Fibonacci numbers.
Try the same thing for broccoli.

Chinese leaves and lettuce are similar but there is no proper stem for the leaves. Instead, carefully take off the leaves, from the outermost first, noticing that they overlap and there is usually only one that is the outermost each time. You should be able to find some Fibonacci number connections.

Look for the Fibonacci numbers in fruit.
What about a banana? Count how many "flat" surfaces it is made from - is it 3 or perhaps 5? When you've peeled it, cut it in half (as if breaking it in half, not lengthwise) and look again. Surprise! There's a Fibonacci number.
What about an apple? Instead of cutting it from the stalk to the opposite end (where the flower was), ie from "North pole" to "South pole", try cutting it along the "Equator". Surprise! there's your Fibonacci number!
Try a Sharon fruit.
Where else can you find the Fibonacci numbers in fruit and vegetables? Why not email me with your results and the best ones will be put on the Web here (or linked to your own web page).

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

Fibonacci Fingers?
Look at your own hand:

You have ...
2 hands each of which has ...
5 fingers, each of which has ...
3 parts separated by ...
2 knuckles
Is this just a coincidence or not?????

However, if you measure the lengths of the bones in your finger (best seen by slightly bending the finger) does it look as if the ratio of the longest bone in a finger to the middle bone is Phi?
What about the ratio of the middle bone to the shortest bone (at the end of the finger) - Phi again?
Can you find any ratios in the lengths of the fingers that looks like Phi? ---or does it look as if it could be any other similar ratio also?
Why not measure your friends' hands and gather some statistics?

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

A quote from Coxeter on Phyllotaxis
Finally, note that, although the Fibonacci numbers and golden section seem to appear in many situations in nature, they are not the only such numbers. H S M Coxeter, in his Introduction to Geometry (1961, Wiley, page 172) - see the references at the foot of this page - has the following important quote:

it should be frankly admitted that in some plants the numbers do not belong to the sequence of f's [Fibonacci numbers] but to the sequence of g's [Lucas numbers] or even to the still more anomalous sequences

3,1,4,5,9,... or 5,2,7,9,16,...
Thus we must face the fact that phyllotaxis is really not a universal law but only a fascinatingly prevalent tendency.

He cites A H Church's The relation of phyllotaxis to mechanical laws, Williams and Norgate, London, 1904, plates XXV and IX as examples of the Lucas and the latter two sequences and plates V, VII, XIII and VI as examples of the Fibonacci numbers on sunflowers.
Navigating through this Fibonacci and Phi site
The Lucas numbers are formed in the same way as the Fibonacci numbers - by adding the latest two to get the next, but instead of starting at 0 and 1 [Fibonacci numbers] the Lucas number series starts with 2 and 1. The other two sequences Coxeter mentions above have other pairs of starting values but then proceed with the exactly the same rule as the Fibonacci numbers. These series are the General Fibonacci series.

An interesting fact is that for all series that are formed from adding the latest two numbers to get the next starting from any two values (bigger than zero), the ratio of successive terms will always tend to Phi!

So Phi (1.618...) and her sister phi (0.618...) are constants common to all varieties of Fibonacci series and they have lots of interesting properties of their own too. The links above will take you to further pages on this site for you to explore. You can also just follow the links below in the Where To next? section at the bottom on each page and this will go through the pages in order. Or you can browse through the pages that take your interest from the complete collection and brief descriptions on the home page. There are pages on Who was Fibonacci?, the golden section (phi) in the arts: architecture, music, pictures etc as well as two pages of puzzles.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987 ..More..

References and Links
Key
means the reference is to a book (and any link will take you to more information about the book and an on-line site from which you can purchase it);
means the reference is to an article in a magazine or a paper in a scientific periodical.
indicates a link to another web site.

Excellent books which cover similar material to that which you have found on this page are produced by Trudi Garland and Mark Wahl:
Mathematical Mystery Tour by Mark Wahl, 1989, is full of many mathematical investigations, illustrations, diagrams, tricks, facts, notes as well as guides for teachers using the material. It is a great resource for your own investigations.

Books by Trudi Garland:
Fascinating Fibonaccis by Trudi Hammel Garland.
This is a really excellent book - suitable for all, and especially good for teachers seeking more material to use in class.

Trudy is a teacher in California and has some more information on her book. (You can even Buy it online now!)
She also has published several posters, including one on the golden section suitable for a classroom or your study room wall.
You should also look at her other Fibonacci book too:
Fibonacci Fun: Fascinating Activities with Intriguing Numbers Trudi Hammel Garland - a book for teachers.

Sex ratio and sex allocation in sweat bees (Hymenoptera: Halictidae) D Yanega, in Journal of Kansas Entomology Society, volume 69 Supplement, 1966, pages 98-115.
Because of the imbalance in the family tree of honeybees, the ratio of male honeybees to females is not 1-to-1. This was noticed by Doug Yanega of the Entomology Research Museum at the University of California. In the article above, he correctly deduced that the number of females to males in the honeybee community will be around the golden-ratio Phi = 1.618033.. .
On the Trail of the California Pine, Brother Alfred Brousseau, Fibonacci Quarterly, vol 6, 1968, pages 69 - 76;
on the authors summer expedition to collect examples of all the pines in California and count the number of spirals in both directions, all of which were neighbouring Fibonacci numbers.
Why Fibonacci Sequence for Palm Leaf Spirals? in The Fibonacci Quarterly vol 9 (1971), pages 227 - 244.
Fibonacci System in Aroids in The Fibonacci Quarterly vol 9 (1971), pages 253 - 263. The Aroids are a family of plants that include the Dieffenbachias, Monsteras and Philodendrons.

WWW links on Phyllotaxis, the Fibonacci Numbers and Nature
Phyllotaxis - An interactive site for the mathematical study of plant pattern formation by Pau Atela or Chris Golé of the Mathematics Dept at Smith College, Massachusetts.
is an excellent site, beautifully designed with lots of pictures and buttons to push for an interactive learning experience! A must-see site!
Alan Turing
one of the Fathers of modern computing (who lived here in Guildford during his early school years) was interested in many aspects of computers and Artificial Intelligence (AI) well before the electronic stored-program computer was developed enough to materialize some of his ideas. One of his interests (see his Collected Works) was Morphogenesis, the study of the growing shapes of animals and plants.
The book Alan Turing: The Enigma by Andrew Hodges is an enjoyable and readable account of his life and work on computing as well as his contributions to solving the German war-time code which used a machine called "Enigma".
Unfortunately this book is now out of print, but click on the book-title link and Amazon.com will see if they can find a copy for you with no obligation.
The most irrational number
One of the American Maths Society (AMS) web site's What's New in Mathematics regular monthly columns. This one is on the Golden Section and Fibonacci Spirals in plants.
Phyllotaxis
An interactive site for the mathematical study of plant pattern formation for university biology students at Smith College. Has a useful gallery of pictures showing the Fibonacci spirals in various plants.

WORD SPREADS FAST - A LOOK BACK AT THIS WEEKEND (A first real post, I think)

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 06:04:20 GMT

This weekend was favorable and/or remarkable for a few reasons.

Here's a quick summary:

FRIDAY - I felt a chick up somewhat.

SATURDAY - I got drunk for the first time at my childhood friend's home.

Here's an in-depth analysis:

FRIDAY - We decided to get together a little earlier this weekend since most of the time shit doesn't start 'til real late. I drove my Alti over to Jaque's house and three niggers (Jaque, Paul Garon, and Chester) hopped in. We drove to Fazoli's because Fazoli's is a new Friday night tradition. We fucked Fazoli's in the ass literally. We then went to Fleet Farm to fill up some CO2 tanks for paintball guns. We then went back to Jaque's house. Then we fucked around, what with stalking people and soda cans being thrown at cars. Then, we went to Amanda's and Amanda, Amanda, Shauna, and Kaila were there. There was some DDR action and some karaoke action. Then, we got some 40's at a place where they were also doing karoake, and where the young lads Theo and Ryan were. Then, we went to Jake's and waited with paintball guns for Ka to ambush his house. We left because we didn't know when or if Ka would ambush his house and we wanted to go back to Amanda's, where Paul Garon was still. We went back to Amanda's and drank some 40's and I got some slight Kool-Aid action with a hot blond freshman, if you would call it Kool-Aid action (it wasn't much), which was definitely tight. Then, Paul Garon gave me and David a ride to my house, where we crashed very early Saturday morning.

SATURDAY - Me and David woke up and went to McDonald's for breakfast/lunch food. We then went to Cub and talks to Ka and asked her about the ambush that never happened, and we talked to Jake and Amanda and Katy and all the other colors of the homo rainbow that were working there. We then molested and picked up Scott Halsey and went driving around. We went to Andy Acker's house because we were near there, and then we picked up Senyor Alec Rudolph. We went to David's, and Scott Vandevelde and Chrit Lequoiough showed up. David greeted them outside, and once they came in, David was all like "dude they already heard about you and that one chick". Word spreads fast. We then went to Cub, where they all spent tons of money on food/snacks/soda. I, surprisingly, did not spend any money there, which is unique, original, and exciting. We went back to David's house, and they were about to start playing DnD, so I left with my tail between my legs. I then cleaned out my car and went to work. After work, Jake came with Brittany and David, and we went to Sublime's house. Tomsauce was there. David left with some people to go get some Bacardi 03 for me, since the goal of the weekend could be considered to get me drunk for the first time, and I do love me some 03 oh fro sho. We then went to Jake's without a place to go drink for the night. Jon Worlund was having some people at his house, and Paul Garon was over there. Paul asked if we could go, and I was expecting Jon to say something like "holy shit, Paul drinks?" or "Paul Frank is coming over?!" but no, he said "Paul Frank...that kid got a haircut". So, we went over there, and I drank some Bacardi 03 and got drunk for the first time ever at my good ol' childhood buddy's casa while his parents who me and my parents know and buy our cars from were there, sleeping. I then walked about twenty feet to my house next door with David, and we crashed there a few minutes before four. Keep in mind that both these nights I showed up at my house very early in the morning after drinking, and I had a kid sleep over who I never said or asked was gonna sleep over both nights. No questions asked.

Word spread fast of the tomfoolery that took place, apparently:

BornToBeACholo (10:35:40 PM): have a fun weekend
toxicgreen666 (10:35:47 PM): yeah it was titeght
BornToBeACholo (10:35:51 PM): :-D
BornToBeACholo (10:35:53 PM): you love it
toxicgreen666 (10:35:59 PM): yes
BornToBeACholo (10:36:06 PM): nice

SUNDAY - Me and David woke up and David wanted to go get some breakfast/lunch like we always do. Paul Garon didn't answer his cell phone, but Jaque called seeing if everything had went alright after he left. I asked if he wanted to go get some food with us, and he said he'd look into it. David wanted to leave, and I was like "sure, in a little bit" and he called his parents telling them he was at Paul Garon's house and that he was going to go get some food. He had told his parents he would be staying at Paul Garon's. We fell asleep though, for like three hours. I woke up to his parents calling my cell phone, because David's parents must've dialed the number off of the caller ID from when David had called. I pressed TALK and then END because FUCK DAVID'S PARENTS. I then brought David home and went to work. David called seeing if everything went alright with the 'rents, which of course it did. Jaque called, and then I met up with him at Cub and I got some delish victuals and magenta claws on ice. See the Paul Frank Vocabulary for translation of that last sentence.

All in all, it was a tight fucking weekend, and next weekend and Wed/Thurs/Fri vacation should be fucking awesome as well.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 21:38:12 GMT

East, South, North, + West

You just can't fuck with a nigger named Beth

Pretty statue, meet nonexistent garbageman.

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 03:38:27 GMT

So, said the one with no pants, do we have a deal here.

The man with pants no longer trusted the man without pants, because the man without pants had no pants on.

But that was to be expected, because he was known around state as the man without pants.

And when he went out on deals, he still didn't wear pants.

I mean, come on, he had a tie and coat on, isn't that enough?

The man without pants opened up the portfolio...and his heart.

And with that, the man with pants, so to speak, bid adieu to the plant in the corner of the room by tossing it out the window. He had had the plant for over seventeen years and counting, but he decided today was the day to chuck it out of his glass window seventeen floors up. It was not a coincedence that he was on the seventeenth floor and had had the plant for seventeen years.

The secretary hopped in once she heard the glass break.

"What on earth have you done, and why the devil have you done it? And who in God's name is this man? Oh, my Lord."

She was black, but talked with a lisp and a small shred of dignity.

She was holding a pizza cutter in her hand, but that didn't stop her from gettin' shit done 'round here.

Both men, the one with pants and the one without, turned and stared at her once she came in and started saying words.

She was hoping and expecting a response, but didn't get one.

Instead, the man with pants gave the man without pants his pants, and proceeded to jump out the window and smack the hard concrete sidewalk below. He fell amongst some big hot shot stock market guys in suits and briefcases, but what did that matter.

What a sudden twist of fate, if you will, for the man who used to be called the man without pants was now wearing the pants of the now pantless man formerly the man with pants. But now he was dead in a puddle of blood on the sidewalk without pants.

To people walking by, it would seem like the man without pants was the one who committed suicide. But alas, that was not the case, the man with pants was the one dead without pants, and the man without pants was standing seventeen floors up with pants on.

Two Hilarious Things In The News This Past Week

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 04:17:19 GMT

1. The good news is that Aaron Carter's SUV went up in flames! Yay!

The bad news is that he's okay.

2. The U.S. was called 'stingy' by some random fat fuck in the U.N., probably secy gen'l Kofi Annan or something, 'cos we all know he's the fattest fuck out there. 'Stingy' is my word, you bastards, use something like 'sticklers' or 'moneyhorders' or something, goddammit.

Check out the website for our forthcoming show at www.maxpages.com/toxicgreen

Thinking and writing are not healthy for you. Stop.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 20:56:57 GMT

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----------mxrnwsdltkyxwhowycya--

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 00:32:56 GMT

Back, by popular supply, the set list of Billiam and the Fnives:

Billiam and the Fnives Set List (In order of how it is on their CD 'cos how else would it go?)

1. "Tennis is Back (Literally)"

2. "A Tribute to Donald Goat & Celebrity Bread (A Band That Doesn't happen To Exist Yet)"

3. "I'll Scratch Your dog If You Scratch Mine (Part I)"

4. "The struggle With 1948 Calculators" ft. Timba

5. " 'Perhaps In Forty3 Years' "

6. "The NeverEnding Shutdown"

7. "Too Far For Comfort (A ha-ha--get it it's a play on words/phrases/cliches)"

8. "Rutherfordium * 2"

9. "I had Running Shoes Once"

10. "Just Fucking Turn The God Dam Computer On?"

11. "I Gave Her Back on november"

12. "Tomorrow Could Be Considered Yesterday If You Look At Today As Fourteen Days From Now if you think about it that is"

13. "Pineapples (no pun intended)"

14. "The Rise and Fall of King Buffalo (e.g. the greatest armadillo who ever lived), and his cohort in crime Chief Big Foot and the Hukpapa (1829-1745)

15. "Your Eyes Look Azz Young As My Television Set"

16. "(Newt Gengrich Called) And He Wants His (Hairstyle Back)"

17. "Hey, Are You Okay? The Government's Worried About You."

18. "That Pen Looked Blue To Me (As Told To Officer Neeson)"

19. "Heart of Tar"

20. "Pneumonia is Overrated (Flooppy Disk)"

21." I Got Sprayed With Moccasins Today (Just Like The Steezinator)"

22. " '...some mexican with a cape...' "

23. "The Super Fantastic Spectacular Marvelous Sensational Fabulous Gondola and Falaffel Song"

24. "The Lead in Lead Pencils Don't Have as Many Blessings As A Piece of Bread Would/Does Have"

25. "The Trouble With Cabinet Door Mayhem and Zeus the Electrificator"

26. "SARS paid for my retirement (so don't you fret)"

27. "Asian Asian Donuts"

28. "Did You Know Chairs Feel Remorse Too?"

29. "The Upward Spiral"

30. "Escalator to Heaven (or Purgatory--whomever you prefer)"

31. "The Ladder That Weighed some serious poundage (aka Cashola Tune #fo-tay-figh)"

32. "If You Don't Give Me Lenny Kravitz, I'll---I don't even know what I'll do but IT'LL BE FUCKING HARDCORE I'LL TELL YOU THAT"

33. "Get Out of my Peripheral Vision You Mongrel Meat"

34. "I'll Give You A Dot-Com Website----Right Up Your Ass!"

35. "I don't know your life story so I don't know what you've ever done to deserve me killing your baby (The Jesus Years)"

36. "Clowns and Pandas Don't Always Mix...In Fact, Rarely Ever)

37. "The Eye Doctor gave me AIDS...don't ask me how"

38. "Let's Have A Swell Ol' Time...And Fuck With Chef's Hats On"

39. "I love the envelopes"

40. "K-F-C (Ain't the boss o' me)"

-Written on November 15th, 2004.

EVERYBODY CLEAR THE FUCKING WAY.

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 03:21:32 GMT

EVERYBODY FUCKING RUN...I GOT MY LICENSE. IF YOU SEE ME DRIVING DOWN THE STREET...RUN--FUCKING RUN! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU.

It's time.

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 03:20:33 GMT

That's right, 'it's time', motherfuckers. Time for you to die. So put down that fucking three-hole punch, and get your shit together. That's right, we're going to the circus, you little niggers. Come on, we don't have all day. In fact, we don't even have all morning. In fact, we don't even have three minutes. So drop the fucking dolphin toast and quit fucking around, you pieces of fuck. I'm getting impatient here. I don't have all day, alright? I think I already FUCKING ESTABLISHED THAT, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SLUTWHORES! FUCKING CHRIST!

What a gloomy day...

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 22:54:35 GMT

Let's all take a minute to mourn for Ken Jennings, for he finally lost today on Jeopardy on his 75th show. Let's mourn for him, for I'm sure he is so sad now that he can just sit back and relax and count his two-and-a-half million dollars. So sad...such a tragedy.

Black Friday.

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 03:19:54 GMT

I just saw a commercial for Wal-Mart advertising the Early Bird sales for tomorrow morning or whatever. As you know, the day after Thanksgiving is a crazy fuckin' shopping day, and it used to be the biggest shopping day of the year, but is now second behind the Saturday before Christmas, I believe. If you go super early to Wal-Mart tomorrow, you can save like two dollars on an iron. They had these middle-aged ladies shopping and they made it to look like it was going to be a barren wasteland tomorrow and that you could shop and save in peace. What they don't tell you is that it is going to be one big fucking mess, and that you are probably going to get trampled and raped if you go to Wal-Mart tomorrow.

If you can think of a funnier one, post it as a comment.

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 03:10:24 GMT

"From the director of "Fat People Getting Shot" and "The Panda Homicide" comes a new reality tv show that's sweeping the nation...off the streets! We put blind people who have been blind all their life in eighteen-wheeler trucks and put them on the road. But, if they find a true love, they can either keep the money or the guy! But, the person may be gay! Only by consulting a midget will they be able to decide if they have to give the money to a guy pretending to be rich who's living in a house with five-no name celebrities, or if they have to live on an island with a beauty pageant for people who have just had to eat panda penises! And if they can answer who was the liberator of Guatemala in 1734 (no, not Aktar Nah-jay, but the other guy), for 10 million dollar, they will get a recording contract! But, what the blind people don't know is that the whole show is fake, and if they give the rose to Jennifer, then Donald Trump will slap them in the nose with Tyra Bank's boob!

Coming Mondays to FOX!"

You have no rights.

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 01:59:36 GMT

"I may listen to country music, but I'm still a human being!"

No, you're not.

What kind of asshole wouldn't like ALF?!?

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 22:24:20 GMT

He eats cats. He's awesome. That's right, ALF...from Melmac. I guess some SICK FUCK doesn't like him:

And what the fuck...why don't I own this!: